Steps of Faith
Now that I am a bit older I can look back on my life and see patterns. I see where I led myself and where that got me. I can also see where I was guided, with opened and closed doors, with 'accidents' and 'coincidences' or with an overpowering sense of what I was supposed to do next.
So I am a believer in God.
This is not through naive ignorance or a lack of exploring other ideas. At York I studied Philosophy and wrote essays on Heidegger, Sartre, Nietzsche, Plato, William James, Kafka, Camus, Freud and others and my notes are in the margins of their books. Yes some of them threw me for a loop, theologically, because I didn't know how to defend my faith - something I knew to be true - against their reasoning and logic. Not yet.
But though the candle wavered it didn't go out.
How do you 'know' something before it happens? How is it possible to see a timeline, step by step in action, before it takes place?
How did this very world ever come about, against ridiculous and impossible odds, to provide such a rich diversity and so much wealth for us?
My writing, my books, my experiences came to me in opportunities I did not create on my own. I have been made aware of things that would happen to me, good things, before they came about. To deny the power that has helped me direct my life is like denying a best friend. So I am not self-made, though in moments of weakness I may pretend to be. I am not successful on my own. I've been carried along sometimes. My wife, my sons, my jobs and extended family... I owe them all to a loving creator.
Does that change how I write? Absolutely! Clark Blaise and Mavor Moore at York taught us never to preach in our writing. Nobody wants to be preached at! But nevertheless your faith, your beliefs, your deepest fundamentals become exposed in your work like flecks of gold in a rock specimen. You cannot hide who you are!